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Guitars and Heartache

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Guitar and death

Our never-ending quest for the perfect guitar can lead us through some pretty dark emotional spaces. What to buy, where to buy it, how many to own and where to store (hide) them all. Sometimes, even the seemingly simple decision of whether to keep or return a guitar can drive us, and those we love, to despair. Fortunately (or not), in guitar retail, we have the 48-hour approval period.*

To my mind, an hour is about all one needs to determine if an instrument is a keeper or not. In fact, I've witnessed many of the strongest bonds between player and guitar occur within minutes. The 2-day approval period gives you an extra 47 hours during which you will either be enrapt with your latest acquisition or fraught with the agony of buyer's remorse. A tortured few may even go so far as to extend the 48 hours, for various reasons, some valid, some not:

  • Have to leave town suddenly on business
  • Need to have my teacher (bandmate, spouse, dog) have a listen and they're not available until Tuesday
  • Death (of anyone), hard to argue with death

And sometimes, Providence can play a forceful hand.

A long-standing customer of mine purchased a very expensive vintage Martin from a reputable dealer and had it sent to him with the requisite 48-hour approval period. He'd done it many times, but this particular transaction proved fateful.

This is a man who has had some of the greatest guitars pass through his hands. He's kept them for a while but has never really been satisfied with any of them. Always eager to find the next guitar that will truly rock his world, he's bought and traded, bought and returned, very often at a significant loss.  In his early collecting days, I sold him quite a few guitars, each time thinking that a sound and lasting match had been made, only to be shocked to later see those very guitars adorning the cyber-walls of a competitor's website. At one point, I actually had to break ties with him. You're seeding my competition, I told him. We need to take a break. So, he started doing all his buying on line. Fair enough.

It finally all came to a screeching halt. During the aforementioned Martin purchase, on the second day of his approval period, with his mind as yet still unmade, he suffered a heart attack. Fortunately, his wife was there to call 911. The EMT's came, resuscitated him, and loaded him on the stretcher. As he slowly came to, the seriousness of his condition dawned upon him and he urgently beckoned to his wife. She leaned over to him and heard in a gasping tone: Call Elderly...let them know...I need more time...48-hour approval...need more time to decide...

You can be sure that his wife, who up to that point had been extraordinarily tolerant of her husband's proclivity towards guitar buying, put a firm stop to his madness. At least for a time...

He's back. Heart is on the mend. And the quest continues; the interminable search for the One. I still sell him the occasional guitar, but not without a good heart-to-heart beforehand. And my new lifetime approval period (for special cases only).

Folks, when buying your next guitar, do your necessary research, consult your trusted local shop owner, be deliberate and confident in your purchase, and please consider those nearest and dearest to you. Will they be available during that critical 48 hours?


 *A word of explanation for the uninitiated: most dealers ship out guitars to prospective clients with a 2-day test-drive period, during which time the buyer can decide whether it's the right guitar, or ship it back without penalty. A call beforehand is always appreciated.

 


 

Acoustic Guitar Riffs We Love to Hate

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acoustic stairway to heaven

Here's an interesting bit of trivia: in the mid-70's, some British music stores banned or fined their patrons for playing the opening riff to "Stairway to Heaven" because it was played so often. Urban myth or not, this comical image was immortalized in the classic man-child, musical adventure Wayne's World

And while STH may not be as ubiquitous in today's music store as it was then, there are certainly a handful of songs that I wouldn't mind retiring to the Music Emporium rafters. 

  • The first to come to mind is the old Elizabeth Cotten tune, Freight Train. A favorite among the budding fingerstyle player, it's rather innocuous upon first listen, but tends to wear thin after the hundredth rendition. 
  • The Allman Brother's Melissa is a wonderful tune and oddly enough still has some staying power when it pops up on my car stereo. But something happens to it when arranged for solo guitar, sans vocals, played in dirge time. Having a friend solo along definitely helps.
  • Zeppelin's Over the Hills and Far Away is a guilty pleasure I admit.  I can still remember how thrilled I was the day I learned to play this tune, oh so many years ago, and I'd hate to begrudge anyone from letting it rip on a nice high end guitar. It's the rough renditions played on inexpensive, poorly tuned 12-strings that really raise the hackles. (Remind me to stop carrying those nasty things).
  • Beatles fans are not going to take kindly to this next one, and I really never imagined that this harmless ditty could take on such notoriety, but the number one most-played tune, to the point where a warning sign may indeed have to be posted, is Blackbird. Lovely as it is, eyebrows will certainly be raised upon its opening bars.
Beatles Blackbird

I write all of this with a knowing and sympathetic smile, because deep down I can still remember the unbridled joy I experienced when I learned each of these tunes. And music is, after all, for the sharing. As a budding guitarist, the first thing I'd do when I found myself in a guitar shop was to systematically run through my top ten classic rock riffs, in the hopes that I could prove my worthiness to the store's proprietor, or anyone else who happened to be listening. It's what we did, and still do, as recreational guitar users. And if these tunes bring such a thrill on our ho-hum guitars at home, how much better must they sound on a $4000 Collings!

Here are a few of the tunes I played incessantly during my early guitar years, and still break them out from time to time:

 

  • My Sweet Lord
  • Pinball Wizard  
  • Ramble On
  • Message in a Bottle
  • Blackbird (yeah, so!)

I invite you to share some of your top tunes, cherished, worn thin or guilty pleasure. And when you're next in the store, if the mood calls for a little "Stairway" or "More Than a Feeling" by all means, crack a smile and let 'er rip! You'll definitely get our attention.


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